Mark Shaw Funeral Services

Obituaries and press notices

Mon, 02 Oct 2023 13:27:11 GMT

Obituaries and press notices

Following a death, there has usually been a tradition of spreading news within the community. To let people know of the death, and also to inform about funeral arrangements – whether to let people know where and when to attend – or to let them know that it will be a private family matter.

There is no legal requirement to make any funeral notification, although in most cases it would be customary in some format. Even where the funeral is to be private, there can be a benefit of letting people know. It can save well intentioned people feeling they have let the family down by not attending a funeral, or even avoid the difficult moment months later when someone, uninformed of the news, asks kindly after the person who has died. People may of course choose not to make any announcement. Perhaps because they wish to keep matters private, the person who died may not have been known locally or those who need to know can be contacted without the help of publications.

In some communities, a notice in the local shop was the recognised manner of spreading news.

More formally, printed notices in local or national newspapers was the norm. If someone has died away from their original home area, or has significant contacts elsewhere then local papers on these areas are often used.

Most printed newspaper notices now have an online version. This gives the same information, but available to the growing number of people who no longer buy a printed newspaper. This online inclusion is normally automatic. This is particularly useful for people out of the area who can search for notice regardless of where they are.

As part of our arrangement process, we can help you write the notice to be published. They will often follow a similar format, an outline suggested template can be downloaded on Our Services page. The notice will generally give details of who has passed away, when and where, details of their surviving family and details of the funeral ceremony, arrangements for flowers or donations, or whether friends may be welcome to pay their personal respects at the funeral home. All information disclosed is entirely at the discretion of our client, and there is no obligation to disclose any information you do not feel is relevant or necessary.

We have also made use within Mark Shaw Funeral Services of a valuable platform called Much Loved. This allows us to publish our own tribute pages, with a photograph, more detail of the funeral venues and online giving options. This provides an useful mechanism for those who wish to share news of a funeral on social media, but perhaps with more structure than just a simple post. We make no charge for listings on our own family notices page.

Obituaries, which refer to a more detailed article about a life have often been seen as the reserve of the famous, well to do or professional high flyers. Depending on the publication however, you will often read obituary articles about people whose lives may have seemed more “normal” in terms of significant achievements. These obituary articles are written in conjunction with a journalist from the newspaper, can be reviewed and edited by family and published only with the family’s full agreement. If you feel a tribute article in the Press & Journal or Evening Express would be fitting, please let us know and we can put you in touch with the relevant people.

Whatever choices you make about publishing funeral details (or keeping them private) we can assist you with writing wording, placing notices and researching publications in relevant areas.

Funeral Cars and Corteges

Thu, 29 Jun 2023 11:13:43 GMT

Transport of the day of a funeral

Corteges and last journeys

One of the many aspects of arranging a funeral is thinking about the logistics of the day. That is, thinking who among the family and friends will need to be where – when – and how will they get there at the different stages of the funeral. We will discuss this with you and help you think about what will work best on the day for comfort and convenience.

The traditional hearse is usually used to take the deceased with any flowers whether to church, crematorium or cemetery. If the funeral involves more than one location, the hearse will transfer them between locations. Some families may opt for an alternative hearse whether motorcycle, horse drawn or other relevant vehicle which we can assist with.

Travelling behind the hearse whether on the journey to church, crematorium or cemetery is a personal choice. We refer to a “cortege” when discussing a procession following the hearse. For many, accompanying their loved one on the final route and being right behind the hearse on this route is an important part of the funeral process. Others however may find this just too difficult a journey or of less significance and therefore opt to meet the hearse at the relevant venue. Perhaps even arriving after the hearse, by which time the coffin has already been set in place at the crematorium.

Our seven seat fully valeted chauffeur driven Jaguar limousines are often used to transport the nearest and dearest family or friends, whether or not following the hearse. We would collect the family from home, or as arranged, and our cars will be available by arrangement for as much as the funeral duration as required.

Traveling together as a family relieves anyone of the pressure of driving on an already difficult day. We will take you to the door – no need to think about arriving on time, which route or parking. Following the ceremony, our chauffer driven cars are then available when you are ready to take you either back home, or to the funeral reception if there is one. Where a return journey is requested following the reception, we need to discuss and schedule this as part of our arrangements.

For many families, there is a simplicity and less formality about taking their own cars. If this is your wish, that is absolutely fine. Our limousines are provided individually as required (or not) rather than as part of any set package. Where we are asked for additional limousines, we are usually able to hire additional fleet.

Generally friends, extended family and colleagues etc will make their own travel plans for the funeral. Occasionally a bus might be laid on if for example there is a distance for a group to travel together, or a very large family all of whom wish to travel together.

We are often asked if traveling as a cortege to journey past a significant location, perhaps the deceased’s home or former home, a place of interest or work. Especially during COVID when funerals were restricted, we often found the cortege would be arranged to travel passed certain points where those unable to attend the funeral could pay their respects.

As with all aspects of funeral arrangements, we will discuss these points when we meet. You may well know clearly what will work best for you. These are personal choices so we can’t or won’t tell you what will be best for your situation, but hopefully we can help you think through the various considerations and ensure that as with every aspect of the funeral, transport is planned in the most suitable way for you.

Funeral Service Careers

Wed, 15 Mar 2023 16:42:46 GMT

Working within the funeral profession

After a few years of working within the funeral profession, you become a little more used to the wide variety of reactions people have after asking what your job is!

Some are clearly uncomfortable, wishing they had not asked, and change subject with something of a backhanded compliment such as “well - someone has to do it”.

Others are fascinated, have a question to ask, want to know about particular aspects of our role (especially since COVID). Then there are those for whom thoughts come to mind of personal experiences at times of family bereavements – hopefully positive experiences of the help and support offered by our profession in the past.

For most within the funeral profession, we count our work as a great privilege and opportunity to make a real difference in peoples lives. It can be a tough role, physically and emotionally draining. Our work schedule varies week to week, with no two days being the same.

We are often approached by people with an interest in funeral work. Perhaps they have had personal experience, some work in roles where deaths are familiar such as care for the elderly and they are interested to be involved in the subsequent parts of the care journey. Opportunities for access to the funeral profession can however be limited.

As a small team, fortunately we have a relatively small turnover of staff, with most recruitment needs being to meet the increasing demands of the business. Occasionally, someone takes on a role to soon realise it is not for them. In fairness, you cant generally know how you will find it until you have first hand experience.

There are no formal routes of entry to funeral work. Most recruitment is done by local firms either growing their team or replacing staff who have moved on. Openings are often found in the practical elements of the business, ie care and transfer of deceased, vehicle preparation or attending funerals. Although Mark Shaw Funeral Services do not employ “funeral arrangers” (we ideally prefer funeral directors to see the whole process through from first meeting the client, till after the funeral) some firms will have openings for those solely involved with the administration and family contact in arranging a funeral.

Because we are on call on a 24 hour basis, it is necessary to have staff who can provide this service. Realistically, anyone joining the profession may well be asked to be part of a 24 hour on call rota. It is undoubtedly a challenge for modern lifestyles, but an essential part of what we do.

Surprisingly to many, there are no mandatory qualifications required. Most learning is done “on the job”. The work does require a lot of accumulated local knowledge and so much of what we do is based on knowing our local area rather than national procedures. (These requirements will likely change however with the approach of government licensing.)

There are however different routes to achieve the formal qualifications. Given our location in North East Scotland, and the daily working needs of the business, we have found The Independent Funeral Directors College (run by SAIF) to offer a thorough and flexible learning route which allows much of the work to be done at distance. Various modules can in time lead to a Certificate in Funeral Practice. Training within the specialist role of embalming would be achieved through the British Institute of Embalmers.

So what are some of the key attributes for the funeral profession? We are dealing with a complete cross section of our community. It is therefore important to be able to work along with and support families from all walks of life, society religious background and culture. Diplomacy and confidentiality are important as we can work in challenging family situations or by privy to confidential information.

We are involved with the physical lifting and transfer of the deceased which can be heavy work. A driving licence is usually necessary. Background checks may be carried out and attention to detail and accuracy are vital. As with many work places, no one in a funeral team does all the work themselves. We rely on good team work and communication to make sure that everyone is making an effective and valuable contribution to the smooth running of the business, family liaison, mortuary care, maintenance and presentation of facilities, and administration.

As the years have gone by, the range of services and options which people have for funerals has grown. More varied choices for coffins, vehicles, and other aspects of personalisation, changing technology, especially with media presentation and streaming and not to mention a broader range of styles of funeral ceremony. The advent of direct cremation has simplified some funerals, while others become more involved and complex. The historic normal that a funeral would take place in three to four days seems long gone. The internet and social media mean that families will often have researched and know what they want before they come to us. These are all good progressions, but also bring changes to the requirements of the profession.

Our job is a true privilege, seen by many as a calling or vocation. Like most things in life, you get out what you put in, and for those who invest and commit to their career in funeral service, hopefully they will find it a rewarding journey. If a family take time to tell us after a funeral that we helped make a difficult time a little easier, then we know we have done our best.

Facing Christmas while grieving

Tue, 29 Nov 2022 12:34:28 GMT

Christmas can be a time of mixed emotions regardless of loss and bereavement. For some, it is a time of celebration and family tradition. Others can feel isolated or less involved in all the activities and hustle, all too aware that they are not joining in all that the Christmas season seems to assume.

For those facing bereavement whether recent or past, these stresses and balances can be even harder. There may be family whose company should be enjoyed, traditions which can hopefully carry on and every other good reason to enjoy the festivities. Yet there remains a sense of loss. Life has changed. How can you celebrate when mourning? How can Christmas be the same when someone special is missing from the table? There may even be a sense of guilt from celebrating when someone has died.

When someone has died during a previous Christmas season, it means that every year moving forward is not only Christmas, but brings the anniversary of the death and this carries its particular pain.

The first Christmas after someone has died will seem particularly difficult, regardless of when in the year they died. The first festive gathering without them. The first time that their contribution to the festivities is missing and just like every first event or anniversary after a death, it may seem especially difficult to face.

So are there ways to plan and anticipate for the Christmas season? A way to enjoy family time, celebrations and festivities without seeming to have forgotten who has died or ignore the grief you face?

Everyone’s approach will be different and there are no rights or wrongs. However, trying to make some sort of plan as to how you would like to face things may help.

If you want to cancel or significantly change Christmas activities, especially after a very recent bereavement, this is fine – it may just not seem right to carry on “as normal”. Perhaps you can do other things as a family. You may need to be alone, do something completely unrelated to Christmas, or have a very low key time with close family. This is fine.

“They wouldn’t want you to miss out” may be a phrase that comes to mind. The sense that the person who has died would not like to see their family miss a special time of celebration. If this is the case, its completely fine to continue as you always would have. You could incorporate into your time a specific way to remember and honour your loved one. Photos, music choice, candles, a time to specifically remember them and drink a toast to them.

You may not know in advance just how you will respond to different emotions. Build in some time and space should you wish to change the course of events or need to withdraw for some private reflection. If you are entertaining someone recently bereaved, reassure them that they can take part as they wish, whether “as normal” or with freedom and space to do so more quietly or distantly. And look out for each other. Not everyone needs to respond in the same way or at the same time.

There may be new traditions to begin. A visit to a grave to lay a wreath, a new remembrance decoration for the tree, a phone call or visit to someone you know faces Christmas alone. Some Churches hold a special memorial service at Christmas where you can go to join in an act of remembrance should you wish (whether or not you attend the church).

And remember, something may affect you which you hadn’t anticipated. Someone wishes you a Merry Christmas which is the last thing you feel, or a well meaning Christmas Card arrives from someone who has not heard the news. This could be upsetting but its unlikely to be anything other than a mistake or missed communication.

So, there really is no right or wrong way ahead. Take time to plan how best you can approach the season in a way which is comfortable for you. It won’t be easy but you will be fine, and hopefully those round about you will sensitively share the journey with you, as you share their journey with them.

What to do with ashes following a cremation?

Tue, 04 Oct 2022 09:04:04 GMT

What choices do you have about someone's cremated remains (ashes) following cremation?

Following a cremation, there is always a choice about what to do with the person’s cremated remains – usually referred to as ashes.

There is no need to make any immediate decision at the time of arranging the funeral. It may be that you are much better placed to make a suitable decision once the funeral is passed and you have time to think about this choice.

Ashes are usually available 24 hours after the cremation time and can be collected by the applicant (or nominated person) either from the crematorium or from our funeral home depending on what has been agreed. They will come in a temporary box or container which is perfectly adequate. However should you wish an urn or scatter tube, we can arrange this for you. We also have a selection of options whether custom made jewellery or small keep sake urns for those who would like to retain a small portion of ashes.

We are often asked about the identity of ashes and how much certainty there is about whose ashes you get back. We have all seen the process of cremation and the identity and care of the ashes can be guaranteed. Each crematorium is subject to inspection by a regulator to ensure that their robust identification processes and being carried out reliably.

For some the decision about ashes will be obvious. Perhaps previous family members have had ashes scattered at the Garden of Remembrance, interred in a family lair or taken to some special place of significance.

Some people may wish to retain ashes at home. There may be a comfort from knowing they can stay with you in the meantime. Some couples may choose that the ashes of whoever dies first will be kept until the death of the other partner so that their ashes can be taken to the same place at the same time.

In Aberdeen, both the Garden of Remembrance at Aberdeen Crematorium, Hazlehead, and the former Kaimhill Crematorium, have maintained gardens where ashes can be taken for scattering. You can do this yourself or with the assistance either of our staff or crematorium staff. If you have no wish to be present during the scattering of ashes, it can be done on your behalf a few days after the cremation. Often families will re-visit these spots at important dates or anniversaries to lay a flower or just to remember. The gardens are always open and you are always free to go to them.

Where ashes are to be interred in a new or existing grave, we need to apply to the relevant burial authority with permission of the lairholder. We can assist you with this, and there will be a fee chargeable by the Local Authority. The interment of ashes will then be recorded against the records for that grave, and if you wish their name can be added to the gravestone.

When you are scattering or interring ashes, there is no need to have any formal ceremony. You may however wish to ask the minister or celebrant who lead the funeral service to be present and say a few words. We can also have one of our own staff join you for the interment and read a short committal or remembrance piece.

For those who are thinking about taking ashes to scatter in other areas, we would always highlight that the land owners permission should be sought. This may be difficult to obtain in some cases. Depending on the location, families may simply choose a quiet time and spot for a discreet scattering of ashes. Please bear in mind however that there is of course no formal record of that the ashes are on that ground, and in the event of any future change to that land such as development or landscaping, you would have no right to raise a concern.

People who have been at sea whether through work or recreation often wish to have their ashes scattered at sea. This can be done from a pier or shoreline, or you may wish to charter a boat which can take you out to sea to do this.

Those wishing to take ashes abroad should ask us to arrange a customs certificate. Ashes can then usually be transported with the customs certificate and a copy of the death certificate as hand luggage. It is advisable to check if your airline will have any specific requirements, or if your country of destination have any local regulations to adhere to.

For those more adventurous, you can have your ashes incorporated into fireworks and you can be part of a bright and colourful display for those who are missing you!

It is not unusual for a family to still have a relatives ashes many years after cremation. While there is no requirement in any way that they be scattered or interred, often it is just a case of never having found the right time, or right location. It can even be that when another family member dies or perhaps a house is sold that family is again faced with the decision as to what to do with ashes. We are happy to help even in such older cases.

Also, remember that regardless of what you do with ashes, you have the opportunity to put an entry in the Book of Remembrance at Aberdeen Crematorium for your loved one. This is arranged if required via bereavement services, or we can assist with it.

For further discussion about your specific wishes, whether following a recent funeral, or perhaps a cremation from sometime ago but where the ashes have still not been dealt with, please let us know how we can help.

Supporting someone after bereavement

Fri, 16 Sep 2022 10:43:16 GMT

How can we helpfully speak to someone recently bereaved?

For many people, one of the hardest things to do is make the first conversation with someone who has faced a bereavement. We are conscious that the person’s life has changed, we cant fully experience or understand their grief and we may be worried about of saying the wrong thing and “making it worse”.

However, at a time of bereavement, the company of friends and ongoing contact with people is possibly more important than ever. Life has changed and support and continuity can be of great importance.

One fear can be that speaking about the person who has died could bring emotions to the surface for the bereaved person. Well, if emotions do surface, there is no harm in them being expressed. Emotions of whatever kind are a healthy part of grief. There can also be a fear of saying the wrong thing. We don’t want to make the bereaved person more upset or cause them to dwell on their heartache – but nor do we want to make light of their grief and ignore it.

So what do we say?

Often the bereaved will have their own story to tell – in their own time. Their mind has been occupied with their loss, whether sudden, tragic or after prolonged illness. The bereaved person will often have plenty in their mind to talk about and share with a willing listener given the time and space.

Often the bereaved will say they almost expect the deceased to walk through the door. They are by no means forgotten and the hard realisation that they are gone takes time to sink in. Gone – but never to be forgotten. Generally its absolutely fine to speak about the deceased as you knew them. They don’t need to be sugar coated – although remembering and reflecting on the positives of their life may seem best.

There are of course times when the person who has died has not been a “loved one”. This calls for a special kind of care and support. It may not be helpful to speak unduly ill of the dead, but equally it may not be appropriate to speak of someone as a saint if we all know that some aspects of their life were far from perfect or easy to deal with.

“I know how you feel” is one phrase to avoid! We can’t know how someone else really feels, especially at such a potentially raw and emotionally difficult time. Even if we have faced a similar story ourselves, our experience and feelings will be different. That’s not to say our own insights as to what we went through in bereavement can’t bring some insight, strength or reassurance to a recently bereaved person. But they are our insights – not a statement of this therefore is how you must be feeling.

Don’t be a stranger, be available where you can provide friendship, company, practical support. What has changed practically in the persons life which they may need help with? And if someone needs time and space to themselves, this is important. Keeping busy and surrounded people may not always be the best and only way to travel through an experience of bereavement.

Personal belief can play a big part. For some, there is a hope that the person who has died is living a new and better life. While such a hope does not take away the acute sense of loss, it can bring encouragement. For others, this is not their view and sentiments to this effect may be of little help. Some people begin to ask deep questions at a time of loss. You may or may not be able to help with these questions but they are valid questions which may need time to explore.

So in summary? Don’t be afraid to offer support, sympathy, friendship, a listening ear or to speak kindly and openly about the person who has died.

All clients at Mark Shaw Funeral Services are offered telephone contact with a bereavement support specialist through SAIF Support. Sometimes simply talking to a fresh pair of ears and being given some reassurance can help. Where further support is needed, we are happy to discuss this with you.

Everyone’s experience is different and unique to them. You can be there for someone, you can travel with them but you cant make it all better for them with a few special words or tell them how they will progress.

Traditional Funeral Customs

Wed, 07 Sep 2022 13:50:40 GMT

We take a brief look at funeral traditions, rites and rituals.

Funeral customs and traditions vary greatly both over time and from region to region. Funeral traditions relate to many other studies in history, geography, religion and sociology. Even in Scotland, traditions and customs vary greatly from one end of the country to the next.

We often find that the “traditional funeral” is full of rites and traditions each of which has a very practical aspect when understood in its original context. So here we look at some of the funeral traditions we are often asked about and what their history is.

As with all things, funerals have changed but some of the customs remain. In centuries gone by, or perhaps even more recently, funerals were much more of a community occasion. Families lived in closer proximity, smaller rural communities were tightly bound by community spirit which has no doubt eroded as they turn into commuter belt housing estates.

Within traditional communities, several people would have taken their role after someone died. It was far more likely that someone would die at home in the past. It was also likely that their funeral would take place more quickly than we often see today. Three days seems to the be the traditional expectation. There were less choices to make and take time over. Keeping a deceased body at home for too long without modern funeral home facilities had its practical restrictions. We are still often asked to have someone “resting at home”, even though they may have died in hospital. In such cases, once someone is dressed and prepared in their coffin, we take their coffin to the home. (Access and health and safety need to be considered.)

Often a District Nurse would continue their duties with the “laying out” of the body, dressing, closing of eyes and mouth. This might have been a chargeable service. Then the local joiner would make a coffin – probably to measure. The modern funeral director is generally a progression of this joiner / coffin supplier role. Funeral vehicles which are now the remit of funeral directors would often have been operated by garages, taxi firms or other transport firms and hired out accordingly. In the last generation or so, these funeral cars came under the ownership and provision of funeral directors.

There has always been a need to spread the news that someone has died and that their funeral is to take place. Such news travels fast, however the printed press was and remains a key part of this. However, a note in various local shop windows was a quick and easy way to spread word of a pending funeral. In some communities this still happens, especially where the local paper is only printed once a week which would be too late for notification of many funerals.

Where church was at the heart of the community, the local parish minister or priest was the usual officiant for the funeral. Religious customs vary greatly. In some traditions, the funeral was and remains no occasion for reminiscing about the life story of the deceased but rather a time to pray for the deceased as the progress to life eternal. Other traditions may have seemed to afford a little more consideration to the survivors and their need to take stock of the life lost and be comforted in their grief.

Each denomination or religion will have its own ceremonial rites which vary greatly. Jewish and Muslim funeral traditions are dictated largely by speed. The sooner the deceased is buried in the ground, the sooner their soul can make it’s onward journey and the sooner the grieving relatives could begin their mourning rituals. In other cultures, the deceased is to be sent on their way with food and clothing for the next life.

Traditionally it was the men who took the coffin to the cemetery. Whether this was out of old school chivalry, or whether it was a practical division of duties, allowing the women to get back and line up the catering who knows. A social time with refreshments then allowed sympathy to be expressed and the community to be together.

In Scotland, we have a tradition of 8 members of the family (traditionally men), in order of precedence lowering the coffin into the grave with cords and tassels. If you went to a burial in England, the lowering of the coffin would be done by funeral bearers using straps rather than cords attached to the coffin.

After the coffin was lowered, it would have been covered with a lair of straw to protect it and dull the sound as the earth was put back into the grave. Now this function is served by a neat coffin mattress which we place over the coffin.

Funeral homes and rest rooms are a relatively new development which allow family to have a place their relative lies prior to the funeral. As mentioned above, historically someone would have remained in the family home, or been taken from hospital to church where they may have been viewed by family the night prior to the funeral.

In Aberdeen, our historic firm “Shore Porters” used to provide a service of coffin carrying whether from the house or church to the cemetery.

The advent of cremation took funerals away from the nature and earth of cemeteries to a clean inside environment. Often church service would and still do take place prior to cremation. However there was now one place where the whole service could be held. In keeping with the tradition of burial, the coffin at the crematorium would lower out of site at the end of the service representing the lowering into the grave. Interestingly, in Aberdeen Crematorium which has operated since the mid 1970s, the coffin has never moved. People often ask however about the coffin moving or being taken away. There had been curtains to enclose the coffin at the end of the service, but even these have now been removed. Previously at Kaimhill Crematorium, the coffin did lower out of site.

When the local joiner made a coffin to measure out of oak or mahogany boards, there was probably not much discussion about how it would look. Now however, coffins come in many styles and colours, including print wrapped coffins allowing you to have anything on it you wish. What is absolutely great and meaningful to one family may test the bounds of good taste for another family.

Flowers have always played a part at funerals. They bring a natural brightness to a sombre occasion, they may bring a fragrant smell and for some, they symbolise a life which has been cut from it’s root.

Funeral attire has traditionally been black, and still often is black as an expression of mourning. However it is not uncommon now to have families ask that bright colours be worn, or event team colours to reflect the deceased’s passion in life.

Previous articles have explored changing approaches but ongoing significance of funeral ceremonies and the increase in secular services. We have also looked at the increasing number of funerals which take place with no one attending.

What is embalming?

Tue, 06 Sep 2022 00:00:00 GMT

What is modern day embalming and when is embalming beneficial?

What is embalming….?

The mention of embalming for many will bring to mind the extensive and prolonged embalming processes of ancient Egypt whereby people were preserved or “mummified”. There were considerable variations in the embalming process depending on finance and social standing. The process was primarily about public health and observing religious belief.

Modern embalming while similar in purpose is an entirely unrelated and considerably shorter process. The primary purposes of modern day embalming remain for hygiene and sanitation, along with the often considerable benefits in the peaceful and natural appearance of the deceased for those who wish to spend time with them.

Embalming is by no means always necessary and where a funeral is to take place relatively soon and family are less concerned about how long they can visit their loved one at the funeral home, embalming may be of little benefit. Given that we have state of the art, temperature controlled mortuary facilities, we are able to care for the majority of deceased without embalming being essential.

However, there are occasions, often determined by the cause or circumstances of death (such as extensive medical intervention), duration till funeral, or where family wish to have extended viewing opportunities where embalming offers significant benefits. Often knowing that a relative has been fully cared for and will remain in a dignified, hygienic condition until their funeral brings peace of mind.

So what is modern embalming?

Modern arterial embalming is a process of injecting preservative fluid around the circulatory system of the deceased. This embalming fluid therefore reaches all tissues of the body, preserving them from the natural deterioration which follows death. Embalming fluid is also formulated to reduce dehydration and maintain a natural colour, all of which helps in the presentation and appearance of the deceased. Some blood will be removed from the body in the process. We embalm in our fully equipped mortuary which gives us a dignified, safe, clean and ventilated clinical working environment.

There are several factors which affect the rate of change both prior to death and after death which may influence the need for embalming, temperature being a large factor. So if for example, a family choose to have their relative “resting at home” prior to the funeral, especially during warmer weather, we would strongly recommend embalming.

There can sometimes be changes is someone's skin tone after death due to circumstances of death or prior illness. Because embalming involves infusing tissues with coloured preservative and restorative fluid, such discolouration can often be reduced.

Embalming therefore is a way to ensure that those who wish to spend time with their loved one after death can do so with little concern that the body will deteriorate, thus leaving an easier and more pleasant memory of these final visits.

Where a deceased person is being repatriated abroad, certified embalming is a necessity given the extended duration, flight conditions and requirement to ensure sanitation during the transport process and upon arrival at the destination.

Embalming is discouraged for those having natural or woodland burial for environmental reasons. While we respect and observe this position, it should be remembered that Formaldehyde is a naturally occurring Hydro Carbon chemical obtained from the oxidation of alcohol which will naturally break down in time.

We recognise and fully respect that for some, there is a clear desire to minimise any unnecessary intervention following death. We therefore never insist that embalming be carried out.

In all cases, we will discuss with you how your relative should be prepared in terms of hair style, application of cosmetics and shaving if applicable. These cosmetic considerations can usually be carried out as per your wishes whether or not embalming has taken place.

You are welcome to discuss embalming with us as part of our arrangements, and if our view was that it offered benefits, we would ensure we thoroughly discuss the benefits and choice with you.

A good eulogy.....

Tue, 16 Aug 2022 13:48:37 GMT

What makes a "good eulogy"?

What makes a “good funeral”?

A good funeral might sound like a contradiction in terms. However funerals open an opportunity as part of the grief process for family and friends to have their time to say “good bye”. Closure is a word we often hear. Not necessarily an adequate word. A funeral will not close the journey of grief, but a “good funeral” can be a significant step along the journey of grief, and a big part of a good funeral is a good eulogy.

What makes a good funeral will be different for everyone. For some, the traditional ceremony, formality of a liturgical church service, uniformed bearers and smart cars. A traditional funeral will offer a certain format and guide which however strictly adhered to helps people structure the ceremony.

For others the informality of casual dress, perhaps even a theme, minimal structure and an individually crafted ceremony focusing on the life story of the person who has died may seem more relevant. However, with this freedom comes a need to bring some sort of structure and purpose to the occasion.

Good eulogies form an important part of any funeral, whether read by the clergy, celebrant or family and friends. Generally the eulogy can be seen as a review or celebration of someone’s life.

Who were they and where did they come from?

At a funeral, we may think of a persons history, right back to their birth, perhaps beyond to their family tree, especially if their family tree was particularly important in shaping the course of their life. Mention of ancestors or known family traits all have a place. Surviving parents, siblings or life-long friends will reminisce about the early days and first steps. Those, who only knew the deceased in later years get an insight into the early formative days which invariably shed light on how the rest of life was lived. Whether hard days of challenge, inspirational influences in early days, or trials which developed determination, these days are interesting in hearing someone’s life summarised – and not only as a walk back through the “olden days”.

What did they do?

How important someone’s life achievements were may depend much on what these achievements were. Or rather may depend on how we determine the achievements of someone’s life. Whether great career achievements, regular employment, sporting, academic or other exploits or perhaps the importance of family and relationships. Sometimes the ability simply to journey quietly and consistently through life is the achievement. The positive influence someone had in life and the memories they leave behind often stem from what activities and values someone committed their life to. I think most of us have been to a funeral where we walk away wishing we had known the person a little better, understood their motivations better and taken more time to know and appreciate the journey they made through life.

What did they enjoy?

Everyone’s life is different! For some, it seems that every moment is full activity and purpose. We are left asking how someone could fit so much into one lifetime. We may even be inspired to make sure we are making the most of however many more days we have before us. Other lives don’t seem to be so action packed, but none the less, every day mattered just as much, making the most of what they had. Peoples pleasures be it hobbies, music, arts, crafts, sports, travel, bingo, family and friendship, even obscure interests tell us a lot about someone and what mattered to them in life and gave them pleasure, satisfaction and contentment. For some at the funeral, they will be all to aware whether of the special bonds shared over such interests, or an awareness of such interests – if not necessarily shared.

How will they be remembered?

Legacy is the word which speaks about what someone has left behind. Hopefully, most of us will leave a good legacy for those who remain after us. Often as we look back on a life, we are less concerned about achievements and accomplishments. What seems to matter more is the memory of someone, who they were to us, the times whether good or difficult shared together, the jokes laughed at, the sayings and the peculiarities which made someone who they were is what we remember. Something as simple as what kind of sweets they carried in their pocket and shared tell a story. These memories may all be for the good. Sometimes they will be memories which are not so positive – but none the less, it can be an important part in remembering and saying good-bye to reflect and acknowledge all these personality and character traits.

What would THEY say?

Sometimes we might think of what the deceased might have to say about their own funeral. Would they like all the attention of their funeral. Would they be flattered to know who all had turned up? Would they have their own message and last sayings as they depart this earth – whether of hope for the future or reflection on the past? How did they face their final days. Did they know the end was approaching? Were the accepting? Were they prepared?

We usually think of music and flowers for a funeral. Both can be important. Music can help us remember what the individual liked, or it can convey our message and our thoughts at a time of loss. Flowers are traditional for funerals. The last gift perhaps – bringing colour with a message.

But if the deceased really didn’t like flowers – do they mean much? Sometimes their football shirt, army hat, musical instrument or some other personal item may show a more relevant and meaningful image to focus on during the funeral. There are so many options.

Poems

Occasionally, a family writes a great poem just for their relative. But not everyone can do that. Poems however can convey a meaning and message which compliment the stories of the eulogy. A simple online search for “funeral readings and poems” will bring up a raft of material. You might just find a piece that captures the sentiment of your family and helps you say just the right words. And if you need to alter such a piece to make it just right for the moment, then you can do this too.

Whoever leads the funeral service will help you bring all of this together. Assuming of course that you are not going to do the whole service yourself which is a tough but meaningful option.

So whether you are writing a eulogy yourself, or are meeting someone who will write the eulogy, hopefully these thoughts help you think about some of what a “good funeral” ceremony might include.

"A funeral is not a day in a lifetime - but rather a lifetime in a day..."

Funerals during and since COVID

Wed, 27 Jul 2022 10:40:55 GMT

Reflecting on funerals during and since COVID - what have we learned?

It can seem strange to sit and reflect back on the last 2 or so years.

In March 2020, the news broadcast images of Italian military lorries transporting deceased people who had died in the pandemic as the local funeral profession had crumbled both with the increased volume of deaths and sickness within their own teams.

While in disbelief that such a thing could happen in the North East of Scotland, as owner of a private funeral directors, I had to wander if such a thing could ever happen here.

How would we cope? what if we had no staff due to illness? what if we had deceased in our care but could not source coffins, nor book cremation times as quickly as we needed? What about the families of those whose deaths had nothing to do with COVID and expected our full usual services?

Things quickly changed and within days, we were officially in lockdown. Well, we along with the other essential workers continued on, completely unsure of what lay in store, unsure of the risks we faced daily as a certain amount of face to face contact had to continue.

Within 30 minutes of Boris Johnson’s lockdown announcement, we had families phoning in tears and panic. Funerals which had already been booked – would they be allowed to be there? We knew nothing more about the rules than had been broadcast by the BBC.

There were of course many variations in the rules, along with ongoing changes. During the height of restrictions, we conducted burials in at least seven Local Authority areas, and attended three different crematoria. Each had a different interpretation of the rules to contend with and explain to families. I don’t believe the rules in our North East area were in any way compromised, however I do believe the people of the North East were thankfully afforded slightly more freedom and family choice within the confines of safety than in other areas where the restrictions seemed at times harsh. That said, a duty of care was owed to staff, and should a team of cemetery or crematorium staff have been forced into isolation, the implications could have been severe.

Staff safety had to play part of our own consideration. How do we work together while maintaining social distance? In a global shortage of PPE, where do we get what we need - and at what cost? We would never of thought someone could work from home in our business, but out of necessity, we had a home worker over night.

As with every sector of life which became restricted, to realise that funerals would not happen in any regular way for the foreseeable future seemed impossible. No gatherings of more than essential family, no family cars, and very little official guidance as to what was safe in terms of family visiting their loved ones at the funeral home.

The first response was that simple funerals will go ahead – and later perhaps in October / November (when we assumed everything would be back to “normal”) people would hold memorial services. The ceremony and paying of respects, the public grief and expressions of sympathy and support from friends would still happen.

However, as time moved on and normal seemed increasingly illusive, many people realised that their journey through grief had also moved on and the thought of going back to the type of ceremony that is planned in the early and raw days off loss seemed only to provide a way to reinvigorate the waves of grief.

While I know that many families have taken time to gather and remember, some in formal occasions – perhaps others making room in regular family life to honour those they have lost, the blanket provision of memorial services has never materialised and perhaps understandably so.

So how did people have “COVID funerals”?

Those who were afforded the opportunity to gather in small numbers probably had a far more personal family centred occasion than they might have had at a service with several hundred people. The support that comes from such a gathering can undoubtedly be a great comfort and allows the many people whose lives have been touched by a death to join together. But in some ways, this puts a different kind of pressure on family. To look after the mourners, to smile nicely to everyone and accept the many well intended condolences. To remain composed, dignified, and all the other things that some people think they ought to do and be at a funeral.

We had people in our chapel for private gatherings who privately broke their hearts. Some stood and spoke whether to the deceased or the small company with them with an honesty and clarity of expression which might have been masked in front of 200 hundred or so mourners from all walks of life. Other families laughed heartily as they informally shared stories, memories and jokes – perhaps joined on ZOOM (our new friend)

Of course, neither of these responses is prevented at a larger funeral. But sometimes a necessarily smaller gathering just gives the freedom to be more authentic and less inhibited at such a time.

Undoubtedly, with so many restrictions, for those who were able to view their loved one in our rest rooms, this was a particularly important opportunity – perhaps having not seen their relative for weeks in hospital or a care home.

Live streaming funerals pre-COVID would probably have been pushing at the bounds of taste for some – let alone doing a Facebook “live” from a funeral. Yet with so many special people unable to be present, this became a new normal and indeed has continued to be a valuable aspect of many funerals. Families can be spread out nationally and internationally, older or frail relatives who cant travel are still able to join the proceedings.

Often we drove the hearse past family houses or places of note. The friends unable to attend the funeral within the capacity restrictions could come out and give their round of applause or pay their respects as they wished. Once we drove through a guard of honour formed by tennis rackets all raised in honour of the lost club member. Another occasion, as we approached the gathered crowned I was surprised to see how many people were holding up what I presumed to be phones to film or take pictures. As we got nearer, I realised they were holding up glasses to drink a toast as the hearse passed.

So many ways that regardless of restrictions, people found they could still say “this persons life mattered to me, I share in the sense of loss, and I extend my sympathy and condolences to their family who feel their loss most sorely as I honour the one who has died”.

We still see neighbours coming to door steps as our hearse leaves from a family home. We still benefit from streaming services to those who can’t be present. Funerals have returned pretty much to “normal”. For those who draw support from larger gatherings and bringing all concerned together – this is great. But for those who feel that really a smaller private occasion is more suitable, we have also learned that this too works well.

The height of COVID was undoubtedly devastating for many, although I don't believe we experienced it as badly in the North East of Scotland as we could have. As the memory of this stressful time fades, lets be thankful that we have returned to a time when people can make the funeral choices which are right for them and their families.

During COVID, we got very used to doing a lot of our work by telephone or email and relying on providing information online. Even the Registration of deaths became, and remains a telephone service without face to face appointments. While we believe that face to face meetings with our bereaved families are the best options, there are several circumstances where it is beneficial to be able to offer a telephone / digital service to families.

For further details about funeral arrangements of all types, please contact Mark Shaw Funeral Services day or night.

Funeral Plan Regulation

Mon, 18 Jul 2022 21:01:47 GMT

Funeral Pre-Planning faces new regulations

The funeral profession is set for another round of long awaited and welcome regulations which this time relate to the sale of pre-paid funeral plans which become regulated from 29th July 2022.

Funeral plans have changed a great deal over the years. Historically, a small life policy may have been in place – or perhaps even a biscuit tin behind the mantelpiece with funds for the inevitable funeral.

Early pre-payment options may have involved a joint bank account with the plan holder and funeral director, or even funds held directly in the funeral directors account. Such set ups clearly offered no protection for client funds and were entirely reliant on trust between the client and funeral director.

More recently, reputable funeral plan providers (such as Golden Charter) have been voluntarily overseen by the Funeral Planning Authority (FPA) who would have offered some level of direction as to requirements of Trust Funds, and may have provided a level of fall back in the event that a member firm failed.

However, as was seen earlier this year, even members of the FPA can unfortunately collapse and prove to be less than a safe pair of hands.

So, as from 29th July, 2022, ALL funeral plan companies will be under the strict regulation of the Financial Conduct Authority (FCA) who will govern the activities of funeral plan companies and their individual sellers. Each individual seller (such as our staff) of funeral plans will also need to be formally trained and authorised by the FCA. As individual sellers, we will require to fulfil annual Continuing Professional Development (CPD).

Ultimately the aim of this new regulation is to ensure firstly that plans are sold fairly and properly allowing potential plan holders to make their own informed decisions without any pressure and after being given all necessary information about the product they are considering. Secondly, the security of funds paid towards a funeral plan is essential, and the new regulations will ensure that all funds are held securely in order to meet future funeral costs. Regulation also allows a clear mechanism to deal with any companies or individuals who are found to fall short of the required standards.

It should be noted, that for the many people who already have a funeral plan, existing plans will also fall under the new regulations. Any firm unable or unwilling to comply with the new regulations will have to refund any plan holders or make an arrangement for its plans to be transferred to a regulated provider. Several smaller plan providers have already had to do this. Unless your funeral plan company contacts you, you have nothing to do.

At Mark Shaw Funeral Services, we now have 6 members of staff who have been passed to discuss or sell funeral plans. While there is a lot for us to learn, it was reassuring to find that we were already covering much of what the regulations require in terms of transparency and ensuring our clients are fully informed before they make any decision about purchasing a funeral plan.

Since the start of our business, we have worked closely with Golden Charter, one of the longest standing funeral plan companies serving independent funeral directors. Fortunately, Golden Charter have helped steer us through this process, and what is undoubtedly yet another change faced within our profession following last years CMA Pricing Regulations and all that we faced as a profession during the COVID lockdowns.

The main difference people will notice when arranging a funeral plan under the new regulations will be slightly more formality and specific agreement to terms, much as are covered with other financial products. We will however continue to offer an entirely individual approach to pre-arranging funerals giving you as much flexibility as you required. There will be no changes to our cost structure either.

For more details about our pre-paid funeral plans, please contact us by e-mail or telephone at any time.

"Direct Cremation - what is it...."?

Thu, 02 Dec 2021 11:57:42 GMT

Direct Cremation Funerals, no fuss - but still your way.

You may well have noticed a growing number of adverts for national funeral companies offering what they term “No Fuss” funerals. Otherwise referred to as Direct / Pure / Non-Attended Cremations.

There are of course many good reasons why people may select such an option. For some it is about cost, for others, a desire to make things easier for their family.

For many, the traditional funeral ceremony whether religious or non-religious still offers that important opportunity for family and friends to gather together, to express their grief and sense of loss, to pay their respects and to extend support and sympathy to the nearest and dearest.

As a local independent funeral director, we cater fully for all styles of funeral, whether the simplest direct cremation or a full traditional ceremony, and all styles in between.

We firmly believe as a local firm serving Aberdeen and the North East, that we provide a valuable service even for those who want no ceremony.

Our Direct Cremation funerals, whether at need or pre-paid allow for use of our local crematorium. Unlike some of the national providers, we will not take you away to an undisclosed crematorium some distance from Aberdeen, possibly not even in Scotland.

Although there may be no funeral ceremony, it can still be a valuable part of the grieving process for near family or friends to be able to visit their loved one at the funeral home. We can accommodate this option in all of our direct cremation arrangements if desired.

You may want some personal elements to your arrangement. Perhaps to be dressed in your own clothes, to choose your own coffin, be driven past a special place one last time, or to have a special piece of music. So even in our simplest arrangement, we are here as your local. Independent funeral director to carry out your final wishes - your way.

As a local firm, our telephones are answered 24 hours a day by our staff here in Aberdeen. No Call Centre. And if our services are required at night time or over the weekend, we are always available to respond. We can, if requested, bring your cremated remains to our funeral home, deliver to family, or a family member can collect them directly from the crematorium. We offer a wide range of urns, keepsake items or personalised cremation jewellery.

If you are considering arranging a direct / non-attended cremation, please do contact us to see how our service could ensure you and your family are looked after the way you wish.

Funeral cost transparency

Wed, 15 Sep 2021 11:34:30 GMT

Funeral Directors now legally required to prominently display charges.

The CMA (Competition and Markets Authority) has been investigating the funeral profession and transparency for some time, and perhaps with good reason.

People arranging funerals are generally doing so in a state of shock, perhaps not having made any prior plans, and often with little awareness of the funeral profession in general. When placing your trust in a funeral director, you want to be confident that you will be given good and fair service, and your loved one be looked after with all the care and dignity which they deserve.

As of 16th September 2021, the CMA now legally require EVERY funeral director to clearly display both online (within 1 click of home page) and prominently in their office reception areas, a standard price list and certain disclosures about the business.

This standard price list should in theory allow a client family to compare like for like services and charges between different funeral directors. There may however be some difference to be mindful of such as what coffin will be provided as standard. (See our “Glenshee” coffin on our website). What vehicles are provided? Will the Funeral Director allow you to add additional services to the Standard Funeral or will you need to arrange a different “package” if extras such as cars, flowers or a church service are required. Are the mortuary care facilities up to a good standard?

At Mark Shaw Funeral Services, we have given an outline of our charges on our website for many years, both for attended services, and the cheaper non attended “direct cremation” choice. We are very much in favour of transparency and ensuring each family can make an informed and un-pressured decision about their funeral choices.

Other elements of the CMA order include preventing funeral directors from having informal, exclusive agreements with for example hospitals or care homes, whereby families may be exclusively directed towards specific funeral firms. Some families of course ask for recommendations and if done transparently and non-exclusively this is understandable. As funeral directors, we must also publicly declare any gifts above a certain level made to such places which could be interpreted as a way of enticing business. While we do support various community activities, we do not give directly to places where funeral arrangements could be referred from.

Many of us within the funeral profession are not entirely comfortable with the highly prescriptive format of the CMA Standard Price List. In many ways, it does not reflect all that we do, or requires us to itemise charges which we have not previously charged for. It is however a start, and I hope a way to help bereaved families be reassured that at a most difficult and important time they have been treated with care, fairness and respect.

As always, if you would like to know more about our services, and especially pricing structure, please do make contact with us.

Improved and increased facilities.

Wed, 11 Sep 2019 15:40:53 GMT

The National Association of Funeral Directors published an article in 2019 about the importance of funeral directors investing in the highest levels of facilities for the care of deceased. It was a proud moment to see our recent development referred to in this article as a good example of such investment!

In 2009, our second property at 26 Abbotswell Crescent, Kincorth was opened and for a number of years served the growing business and complimented our original office at 347 George Street. However as time moved on and the business grew, space became a premium. Having considered other sites, or extension options for some time, few feasible options were apparent.

However, in January 2019, we completed the purchase of our neighbouring building which for many years operated as a sizeable guest house.

While this at first did not seem like a natural move, a little bit of good planning has allowed us to open up a first class new facility improving standards for care of deceased, the comfort of visiting families and also for our hard working team. While the buildings are now connected, our public reception remains at 26 Abbotswell Crescent.

Few people ask much about what goes on behind the scenes at a Funeral Directors. We however wanted to ensure that the place where loved ones are cared for, and the facilities used in that care were of the highest standard, offering dignity and of course continued privacy for all in our care. Our care of deceased including preparation, dressing, use of cosmetics, is always in accordance with family instructions. Embalming is often not necessary, but on occasions can offer real benefits for families wishing to visit at the rest rooms, or where funerals may be delayed. We advise families as fully as we can, however all choices remain with the client family.

Our new facilities include an entire new refrigeration area, embalming suite, lifting and weighing equipment and area for preparation of coffins.

The extra space has also allowed us to review our car valeting process and have new equipment and products to ensure our funeral vehicles are always turned out in the best possible condition.

Following cremations, we will often hold cremated remains. Sometimes for a few days awaiting collection by the family, or for us to deliver them. Other times, we hold ashes for a longer time while family make decisions or wait for the right time to attend to them. We therefore have allocated a room dedicated for holding ashes. As with our mortuary, this is a locked room ensuring that only authorised personnel have access.

Extra office space and rest room capacity allows for a more relaxed and spacious area for family visits and meetings, and our staff have also benefited from a new kitchen, changing and shower areas.

The new site had significant onsite parking which has also been added to our existing parking capacity which is particularly important when services are being held at the funeral home.

For further details about our work, or the extent of services we offer, please feel free to contact us at any time.

Funeral Costs

Sun, 09 Dec 2018 17:04:43 GMT

Our thoughts following CMA report into funeral prices...….

2018 has seen an increasing amount of discussion about funeral prices, both at time of need and for those looking to pre-plan their funeral.

The CMA has recently published a lengthy report looking at funeral costs over recent years and transparency for clients using funeral directors services.

The report, and various commentaries surrounding it confirm that there can be significant variances in funeral costs depending on region, and which funeral director is contacted. However in a time of bereavement, many if not most would not want to have to go shopping around and spend time working out a like for like price comparison.

Price comparison websites do exist. However, they don’t always give accurate like for like comparisons, and work entirely on a national average style of funeral which may be somewhat different to your needs. They may well charge commissions which in turn are either added to your final invoice, or may lessen the amount of your hard earned money that is made directly to the funeral director to provide your chosen services.

Another report during the year seems to have presented inflated costs concentrating largely on the prices charged by what is considered to be the most expensive national provider of funerals (Dignity), possibly in an attempt to scare people into choosing more basic and perhaps even non attended cremation services. Direct cremation will be a suitable service for many people, but for those looking for a traditional funeral service, it is not a realistic solution to money worries. The report referred specifically to Aberdeen as being one of the most expensive for funerals. Our price list at MSFS says differently however.

A further area of concern highlighted were the providers of seemingly low cost funerals. The question that arises over these companies is how many such low cost services are they actually providing. If they are promoting a “loss leader” with a view to “up selling”, this would seem to be a breach of integrity regarding price transparency.

As funeral directors, we are regularly and rightly asked about costs from interested members of the public. Our website was one of the first in the North East to include a basic introduction to our prices and we give an itemised written estimate to every client family at the time of arranging a funeral (or beforehand if requested). We also give clients advice about approaching The DWP for assistance, or when the Local Authority would have an obligation to provide a funeral.

Similar issues apply in the pre-payment market with potential clients being tempted with relatively low cost prices, which may not reflect a realistic expectation on service levels.

Where someone is buying a funeral plan from someone other than a funeral director, we would encourage them to have in writing from the plan provider, how much money will be deducted from the plan for administrative purposes and sales commission . All such reductions reduce the amount the funeral director has allocated to meet your eventual needs.

For anyone wanting further advice on funeral costs, weather at the time of need, or pre-need, and how to make sure you get the best service for your budget, feel free to contact us directly for a no obligation chat and comparison of services you may be considering.